I have been visiting a region in SL. It is owned by some vampires. They make the place extremely gruesome. You can see some graves and blood fountains here. There are some dark buildings and strange tools on the streets. The former make the place colorless, and the latter let people can not help but strongly feel the horrible atmosphere. I was a little scared. But after I really knew them well I threw this thought away. They are “nice vampires”. It means that they won’t bite you if you refuse to be a vampire. The leader of them is an elegant lady. She told me that I am safe in this region because everyone is nice here. She also told me that there are many factions of vampires in SL. Sometimes other vampires visit them and have fun together. And since they are nice vampires they will treat strangers kindly and respect their own will.
I find them really doing what vampires ought to do. They hold queer ceremonies. They round in a circle and they curse. But astonishingly I find that when they are doing those activities, they don’t pay attention to it. Once they were dancing and they invited me to join them. With the vocal chat I realized that they are discussing one member’s personal life in RL. And it was no relation to the SL and vampires! One vampire shows me to their beautiful beach. It is a very wonderful place and I often see they play there. They act like normal human-beings at the beach. Well, I think why they chose to be vampire in SL is because they wanted to try something new. But what brings more fun to them is still the normal interaction.
alicealice Zepp: my blog
回覆刪除[3:09] Alina Roxley: so i'm reader
[3:09] alicealice Zepp: ~~~~
[3:09] Heather Alenquer: i am editor
[3:10] alicealice Zepp: This article talks about some vampires in SL
[3:11] Alina Roxley: cool!!
[3:11] Alina Roxley: i love vampires
[3:11] Alina Roxley: lol
[3:11] alicealice Zepp: you do ?XD
[3:11] Alina Roxley: i want to be a vampire
[3:11] Alina Roxley: ya lol
[3:11] alicealice Zepp: you can ask them to bite you
[3:11] alicealice Zepp: XD
[3:12] Alina Roxley: The former make the place colorless, and the latter let people can not help but strongly feel the horrible atmosphere
[3:12] Alina Roxley: what do u mean the former and the latter
[3:13] alicealice Zepp: the dark building and the strange tools
[3:13] Alina Roxley: ok
[3:15] Alina Roxley: I often see they play there.
[3:15] Alina Roxley: should be "them"
[3:16] alicealice Zepp: oh,
[3:16] alicealice Zepp: Ok I will correct it
[3:17] Alina Roxley: the story is good
[3:17] Alina Roxley: but still have to be more organized
[3:17] alicealice Zepp: you mean?
[3:18] Alina Roxley: u should separate it into more paragraphs i think
[3:18] Heather Alenquer: yes
[3:18] Alina Roxley: in the first paragraph u can just talk about the settings there and how u felt at first
[3:18] Heather Alenquer: one point each paragraph
[3:19] alicealice Zepp: I see
[3:19] Alina Roxley: second paragraph u can talk about after further understanding and talking with the leader u know they r nice vampires or something
[3:20] alicealice Zepp: ok it will be clear I guess
[3:21] Alina Roxley: next paragragh u can write ur observation about they talk about things in their RL
[3:21] Alina Roxley: and the last u make conclusion
[3:21] alicealice Zepp: make it more vivid?
[3:21] alicealice Zepp: OK~~~
[3:22] Alina Roxley: to tell that they want to be vampires just for new experience and they r just like humans
[3:22] Alina Roxley: lol
[3:22] Alina Roxley: " they r just like humans" is a good point
[3:22] Heather Alenquer: i think thier should be some 轉接語when you stated that i found them are not paying attention to the activities
[3:22] Alina Roxley: and conclusion
[3:23] alicealice Zepp: I will orginaize my conclusion
[3:23] Alina Roxley: so i suggest u make them 4 paragraphs
[3:24] alicealice Zepp: OK, I will revise it to be so
[3:24] Alina Roxley: in the third one , the part of ur observation, i agree with heather that u can make it more vividly
[3:24] alicealice Zepp: thier attention and what they are talking about?
[3:24] Alina Roxley: more descriptions and details or something
[3:24] alicealice Zepp: ok
[3:24] Alina Roxley: yes
[3:24] alicealice Zepp: I experienced it !XD
[3:25] Alina Roxley: and what they do
[3:25] Heather Alenquer: yes it is good to take some examples
[3:25] Alina Roxley: and i also want to know how u found this region
[3:25] alicealice Zepp: I asked a guy about vampires in SL
[3:26] alicealice Zepp: he teleport me to there
[3:26] Alina Roxley: why
[3:26] Alina Roxley: why u asked
[3:26] Heather Alenquer: wow ~
[3:26] alicealice Zepp: So I need to add the reason?
[3:26] Alina Roxley: it depends
[3:26] Alina Roxley: that's why i ask
[3:27] Alina Roxley: do u also like vampires or?
[3:27] alicealice Zepp: I am intrested in vampires
[3:27] alicealice Zepp: so I want to know them
[3:27] Alina Roxley: i see
[3:27] alicealice Zepp: I have no chance in RLXD
[3:27] alicealice Zepp: But I can do it in SL
[3:28] Alina Roxley: i think u can maybe use 2~3 sentences to tell it in the beginning
[3:28] Alina Roxley: oh!!
[3:28] Alina Roxley: [3:27] alicealice Zepp: I have no chance in RLXD
[3:27] alicealice Zepp: But I can do it in SL
[3:28] alicealice Zepp: OK I think I should do it
[3:28] Alina Roxley: it's also a good point
[3:28] Alina Roxley: u can put it in the begining
[3:28] alicealice Zepp: OH!!!
[3:28] Alina Roxley: so it will connect the end
[3:29] Heather Alenquer: yes expaine that in the beginning
[3:29] Alina Roxley: connect the conclusion that the vampires there just want to try new things just like u!
[3:29] Alina Roxley: because u can't experience it in RL
[3:29] alicealice Zepp: I like this point : )
[3:30] alicealice Zepp: I will write it down~~~~
[3:30] Alina Roxley: ya so it would be organized and more interesting :)
[3:30] Heather Alenquer: although they are not paying attention to what they are doing XD
[3:30] alicealice Zepp: XDDDDDDD
[3:30] Heather Alenquer: yes i agree that
[3:30] Alina Roxley: maybe u can go there again to ask them if their reasons to be vampires r the same as urs :)
[3:31] alicealice Zepp: I asked a guy
[3:31] alicealice Zepp: I remember it is because he want try something newXD
[3:32] Heather Alenquer: oh ok
[3:32] Alina Roxley: so it's good
[3:32] Alina Roxley: lol
[3:32] alicealice Zepp: Thanks a lot then : )
[3:33] Alina Roxley: ur reson in the beginning and theirs r found to be the same in the end
[3:33] alicealice Zepp: Ya
[3:33] Alina Roxley: cool
[3:33] Heather Alenquer: um cool
[3:33] Alina Roxley: and about ur pics
[3:33] alicealice Zepp: Um?
[3:33] Alina Roxley: i suggest u can post more scarry pics
[3:33] Alina Roxley: i'd like to see vampire pics
[3:33] Alina Roxley: closer face
[3:34] alicealice Zepp: I will try
[3:34] Heather Alenquer: ya
[3:34] Alina Roxley: to see what's the difference from human beings
[3:34] Alina Roxley: ya take more interesting pics :D
[3:34] alicealice Zepp: : D
[3:34] Alina Roxley: when they r drinking blood
[3:35] alicealice Zepp: I have not seen it XD
[3:35] Alina Roxley: their teeth
[3:35] Heather Alenquer: very sharp?
[3:35] alicealice Zepp: i am not sure....welll.....XD
[3:35] Alina Roxley: u can also describe the difference of their look from humen
[3:36] alicealice Zepp: more details?YAS
[3:36] Alina Roxley: my suggestions r done :)
[3:36] alicealice Zepp: ; ) thanx
[3:36] Heather Alenquer: i am done too
[3:36] Alina Roxley: u r welcome :)
[3:36] Alina Roxley: cool news
The reader suggested you separate your article into more paragraphs and put different points in each one, then it will be more vivid and provide more details. She also offered you a good point which you can add it to your article. She said that you can interview people and take pictures of them.
回覆刪除The editor suggested that you should add some 轉接語when you stated that-i found them are not paying attention to the activities. It will be clearer. And you can take more example to stress your point. And it will be good if you explain your reason why you focus on vampires.
回覆刪除